Satire Paper   Leave a comment

One, Two, Three, Shoot

            As the debate concerning which hand gesture shall be acceptable to use on campuses heats up, all three positions seem to be coming up with more convincing arguments as to why their gesture is superior and should be accepted as the “go-to” gesture. Rock, paper, scissors has always been an ongoing debate, but as more people, especially students, are being given access to each of the three gestures uses, debates on how and where these gestures shall be accepted has become an increasingly debated topic.

Superior Professor of Hard Things and Solid Places Ore Rock, PhD, speaks out his position of best gesture for campuses. “Keeping myself associated with other rock supporters, I feel the need that scissors on campuses should be left to our trained professional law enforcement, as they would know the best time to use such an aggressive gesture,” said Professor Rock.

Professor Rock also sees no need for any other gesture off-campus stating to our interviewer that “Scissors were never a problem for rocks; it is paper you have to watch out for. They are the ones endangering students and citizens. Scissors have no regard for the current rules in place.”

Dr. Ream White, faculty member and professor at Hammermill University defends himself from these accused attacks upon his use of paper. “The fact that we use paper to win against rock shouldn’t make our choice of gesture illegal,” Dr. White explained. “Rock should be more prepared when faced with a situation where scissors may not be readily available.”

Paper advocates see the desire for defense, but feel that certain places like campuses, where learning not fun-and-games, should stay gesture free. “Seeing that scissors pose the biggest threat to our society, rocks should have no issue in supporting us.”

Scotch Fiskars, member of Running with Scissors Organization and Shears Association holds a different view on the debate. “Everyone is just overreacting. It is not the scissors that make a person bad; it is the person that uses scissors in a bad manner that is bad,” said Fiskars.

Scissors argue for the acceptance of the carrying of shears, scissors, and other similar sharp objects everywhere with proper permit. The ones that will use scissors inappropriately without permit would probably not go through the trouble of obtaining said permit in the first place.

 

I approached the controversy of concealed carry on campus with a news-like interview paper. Using the hand game, Rock, Paper, Scissors, I attempted to isolate three of the major arguments on the issue. By using this hand game, I hoped to point out to the reader that the controversy’s views all attack and defend in a circular fashion. I hope to make it clear that this vicious ring virtually gets nothing solved in terms of the issue.

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Posted November 21, 2011 by sethbuechler in Uncategorized

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