For America, on Net Neutrality   Leave a comment

Hey! America! Over here! I SAID HEY!

Look, I’m an American. I’m a conservative. I believe that the government that governs best is that which governs least. So you can imagine my outrage when I found out we still had a government. Not only that, but that this government, made up of a random assortment of people from God knows where, was trying to lay its dirty government hands on a key element of daily life in this country: the Internets. With a bill called Network Neutrality, the fat cats up in Washington are trying, once again, to instill regulations on us. Worst of all? They’re not the Republican fat cats. It’s the liberals seeking policy implementation once again. The bill is aimed at preventing Internet Service Providers (ISPs) from filtering websites accessed on the base of content that it doesn’t agree with. Not only that, but also keeps ISPs from charging more to users who make use of data-heavy websites like Netflix or Hulu. These regulations are as detrimental to the American people as feces are to a front yard; they will only do us a disservice and further government control over our private lives. In other words, the left wants to come in and keep things “fair”.

Well, much like an actual fair, the bill’s introduction was met with screaming by the fine, upstanding members of the conservative media. Listening to Rush the other day, I managed to hear a great point: this is just part of the huge Democrat government takeover. The liberals are simply taking the nation under their control when we let our guard down. Like I just said, these people from God knows where are coming in and infiltrating government by changing the way things are run in this country. Things have been running perfectly for the past 250 years, why do we need to change anything?! With Net Neutrality, these people are making up a problem that doesn’t exist. I get on the Interwebs every day, and not once have I been prevented from going to my most frequented sites: Yahoo, Facebook, Pornhub. Which reminds me, I gotta erase my browser history before the kids come home. I can’t afford them getting Facebook accounts so young. My sites are there, so what are the libs complaining about? You know what? I know. Knowing them, they’re probably crafting a super liberal website full of superliberal propaganda that Net Neutrality regulations will protect from the just control of ISPs. It only makes sense. It’s a big conspiracy. Rush knows. He mentioned in his show that the White House is in bed with Google. And worst of all? They’re not married. I guess Obama must have been browsing the Internets looking for advice on how to be a good president and pressed the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button on Google’s home page one too many times. You’ve been caught sir, and if I was you I would abort the bastard lovechild that is Network Neutrality, you sick man!

We’ve got to be vigilant, America. The down side to having our glorious freedom of expression is that not everyone is right like we are. We’ve got to uphold our self-evident American values and constantly fight against that which we don’t agree with. It’s the American way. The left wants freedom and that sounds nice, until you figure out that their freedom is not freedom in the right way. What is the right way? Well, for starters, freedom that is not tarnished by government intervention. I can’t think of one instance where a decision to enforce freedom through government action has been a benefit to the community. Plus, is no one thinking of the corporations here? The poor, huge ISPs, the likes of Verizon and Time Warner Cable, can’t handle all that data usage! They’ll have to expand their networks and upgrade their services, and that costs money. Do you think those yachts pay for themselves, libs? Because they kinda do. It’s an added feature. Let’s be kind and save ISPs the trouble, save ourselves some embarrassment, and spend more for using more data while we let the private providers regulate what we can and can’t see. Free market! What could possibly go wrong?! Let’s ignore the liberals once again, because if we do nothing about Net Neutrality then it’s only logical that nothing will happen.


Posted December 2, 2011 by Jorge Corona in Uncategorized

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